Word Chump

There’s two things that bother me about my mobile word game of choice, “Word Chums.”  The first is that I suck at it.

Or at least I do when playing Mrs. MAJ.  So far my record against her is a less than stellar 26-105, for a miserable .198 winning percentage.  I’m like the Cleveland Browns of Word Chums except at least the Browns are paid to suck that bad.  It’s not that I lack vocabulary; I am just as literate as my wife.  The difference is that my wife is the most competitive game-player in the world.  What is to you or I a friendly little diversion is, to her, a matter of competitive honor of absolutely titanic importance.  She wins games because she has an undefeatable combination of intelligence, persistence, and absolutely ruthless bloodthirst that will stop at nothing within the rules to crush the opposition.  If I find a pretty good word, I’m happy.  She will not rest until she has squeezed every point possible out of the letters she has.  She’ll stop at nothing.  She’s the kindest,  sweetest person I know but when a game begins, brother, it’s on like Donkey Kong, and she’s probably amazing at that too.

Now, before I move on to my second complaint, I have to point out that Word Chums is a really great game, the best of its kind, and I’m not being paid to say that.  (Yet.)  Of all the mobile games that clone a very famous Hasbro word game, it’s the best by a mile and a half.  Word With Friends is for suckers.  Word Chums has more bonus squares, which makes positional strategy more important, and the team and multi player game options are cool.  Really, you should get it.  Message me your Word Chums name and we’ll play, and if I’m lucky you won’t be as good as my wife.

Moving on.  My second complaint is that the game won’t accept the word “Asshole.”

Come on.  Asshole is a word.  I know it’s not a polite word.  You shouldn’t use it at work or to describe someone’s mother (unless she’s a total asshole) but it’s a legitimate English word.  It’s in my Oxford Canadian dictionary, look:

I can understand why the folks at PeopleFun would exclude some words, especially racist words, but “asshole” is a word, dammit.  It’s been a word for centuries.  So is “shit” or, if you want to add a little Scottish class, “shite.”

You know what else should be a word?  “Gundick.”  Mrs. MAJ tried to play Gundick and it wouldn’t let her:

What bullshit.  (Also not a word, which is crazy.)  Now, admittedly, I can’t find “gundick” in the dictionary and I’m pretty sure it’s not a word, but it SOUNDS like it should be a word.  It sounds like an excellent word, actually, that could mean many things:

  • A private detective armed with a gun
  • Someone who’s a jerk about guns
  • A part of a gun (“The breech block and spring are connected by the gundick”)
  • Some disease that affects your junk; “I’m sorry, Mr. Smith, you have a case of gundick. You’ll need penicillin.”
  • Something that is neither gun nor dick, like a titmouse isn’t either of those things

“Slapnad” should be a word, too.

And dammit, I’m not done complaining; why are so many short successions of letters that would work at words in English not words?  It’s ridiculous.  Here are some thing that are not words:

Arb

Bem

Harb

Morp

Zerk

Why do we have to screw around with long, hard-to-spell words like “Indoctrinate” when we could just get rid of that word and say “zerk”?  It makes no sense.   “They were zerked into the arbing morp” is far easier to type than “They were indoctrinated into the prevailing political norms.”  I should be in charge of English.

Leave a comment and tell me what words should be included!  Or your best ever Word Chums score.  Mine’s 659.

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