It’s Friday, and I’m filled with relief. My God, the week was hard. It was five days of madness. Two days off is not enough. That’s why we need to change the length of a week.
I cannot overstate how thoroughly relieved Mrs. MAJ and I are that the week is over, and yet a hint of stress remains because the weekend is not long enough. The exhaustion and need for alcohol were palpable.
When I was a kid, weekends were a two-day vacation. My parents would sometimes make me do things like mow the lawn and whatnot, but for the most part a weekend was a limitless vista of goofing off. Once school ended on Friday afternoon it was time to go home and fart around, play with my friends, play video games, or just generally do nothing at all. Monday seemed a thousand miles away. As you got up into teenaged years you might have to do jobs but you still had time for partying, goofing off and, if you were a teenaged boy, beating it like it owed you money. On rare occasions you might have something going on, but those things were usually FUN things, like organized sports or vacations.
At some point my schedule filled up. I now have something going on more or less every single weekend. Having a kid will do that, of course, but there’s also the fact that when you’re older two days just isn’t enough to get all the thing done. Laundry day, Costco, this and that and boom, there’s no time for fun. And the kids have things, so many things. You even have to feed them, did you know that? Multiple times a day. It’s ridiculous.
It’s quite obvious to me that the seven-day week is a stupid idea that needs to be discarded. Who came up with a seven-day week, anyway? Actually, seven days came from a few different sources; the Jews, Egyptians and Babylonians all independently picked up on seven days. At the time it made sense, since most people were smelly peasants, to design a week where you had one day to rest and engage in commerce. Seven being a lucky number, and long enough to get lots of work out of the peasants without killing them (all), it was popular in a lot of places and once the Romans picked up on it, very widespread. Eventually everyone ended up on a seven day week because it’s a lot more convenient if everyone uses the same week length. That’s why all our day and month names come from European mythology or Roman emperors even though you don’t give a crap about them anymore.
Now that I’m here, though, it’s time for everyone to listen to me and stop this nonsense. We’re not all peasants anymore and we don’t need a day set aside to go to the market and trade for chickens and listen to some wizard babbling about gods. It’s time to go to the Rick Ten Day Week System.
The Rick Ten Day Week provides for six days of work and four days of rest. Three additional days are added in the middle, which I have named after myself and things I like, so the week should now go like this:
The basic jist of the ten day week is that (leaving aside, obviously, jobs like emergency services, shift work, etc., which have to set their own schedules anyway) is that you work three days Monday-Wednesday, get two days off on Rickday and Baseballday, work three days Pokerday-Friday, and then get Saturday and Sunday off.
The calendar would change correspondingly. Each month would now have three 10-day weeks and would be 30 days long. As that makes only 360 days, the extra five days in a year would be tacked on at the end in a five-day week called Partyweek, and the five days would be called simply Christmas, Boxing Day, Bennyday, Mittensday and New Year’s Eve. (This means Christmas now falls on what would have been December 27, but who cares.) In a leap year there’s be an extra day before Christmas called Leapday. Everyone who possibly could would get this entire shortened week off.
You might think this is crazy, but consider:
1. The calendar would be enormously simplified and easier to use.
Every month now has the same number of days, every month starts on a Monday and ends on a Sunday. There’s be no forgetting the date; if it’s a Saturday it can only be the 9th, 19th or 29th. Pay periods, billing dates, and the like would all be simplified.
The calendar as I describe it turns days off from 28% of the week to 40% of the week.
This might sound stupid, but it’s really not. I predict that productivity would not fall at all. In fact, I think it might actually increase. By going to a 3-2-3-2 system you’d be making people work fewer consecutive days before a rest; I think you could get more out of them for 3 days if they get a rest of 2 days after three. You could even expand the work day, and would have room for more flextime usage, thus helping with traffic.
It’s my general experience that people will tend to work about the same amount and apply more or less the same amount of effort to their jobs no matter what the clock says. If you ask people to work an excessive number of hours they’ll just work slower or worse; ask them to do things in a shorter period and they’ll work harder and concentrate better, knowing they get to rest sooner.
You can eliminate civic holidays.
Since my schedule increases standard days off from 104 per year to 149, there’s no reason for people to get eight civic holidays. You can even back off vacation day allotments, since giving someone, say, just 9 days off allows them to take three vacations of 7 days each, plus that party week at the end of the year. Religions can schedule their special days on the weekends or midweek breaks. There’s no reason I should be denied the ability to go to the mall because of your fables.
We’d have to come up with new set days for Canada Day or the Fourth of July maybe, but again, so what?
Anyway, that’s my idea. The likelihood of it being adopted is zero, but it’s nice to know that, once again, I have come up with an idea of scintillating genius.
Any better ideas out there?