Well, Benny got skunked. He didn’t even make it to one year old, and he got sprayed by a skunk. It’s been a fun week.
In fairness, the poor little guy never had a chance; he turned a corner and the skunk, presumably, was right there. That’s what we have to assume because he barked once and immediately came back with red eyes and smelling like…
… Okay, you know the skunk smell, the smell you get when you drive by a dead skunk on the road or just smell coming from somewhere at night? It was NOTHING like that. I don’t mean it smelled stronger. I mean it smelled completely different, and what it smelled like I cannot even begin to explain; it was like acid, gunpowder, methane, sewage and tear gas, mixed with a hint of hatred and your mother not loving you anymore and they cancelled Game of Thrones and replaced it with another show about the asshole from “Big Bang Theory.” It was so unbelievably alien and horrible that I was confused; I thought maybe it wasn’t a skunk and some intruder had sprayed him with riot spray or something. I had to look it up to confirm that it’s a thing.
We took Benny directly to the shower, a trip that took 11 seconds and completely filled the house with the smell. It was astounding. It was like we’d been hit with a mustard gas shell.
As it turns out, dog shampoo doesn’t take out skunk smell. So we got a skunk product from the pet store and it only got some of the smell out, so we did it again and it was still there, and so tonight I took him to a pet store bathing thing and absolutely drenched him and there’s still a hint of it there.
Incidentally, please don’t tell me to use tomato juice. It doesn’t work.
The hell with skunks. I do not understand why we allow these gross animals to live. Why doesn’t the government do something about them? Obviously they should get rid of all the skunks, mosquitoes, spiders, blackflies, and then spiders again.