There is no creature on this earth more vile and hateful than a radio DJ.
I’m sure everyone’s had the experience of listening in despair as an idiot DJ babbles over the first twenty seconds of a good song. Finally, your jam comes on, and Booger keeps yapping about something eminently forgettable. It’s worse than smallpox.
Continue reading “Destroy All DJs”
The Olympics are coming, and I have devised what would unquestionably be the greatest Olympic sporting event in the history of mankind: the Men’s Downhill Ski For Men Who’ve Never Skied.
Continue reading “The Best Sport Ever”
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was in convincing people that Marvel movies are good movies. In fact, they blow chunks.
Okay, not all of them blow chunks. “Iron Man” is an objectively excellent movie. “Spider-Man Homecoming” was good. After that they’re formulaic nonsense at best.
Continue reading “Marvel Movies Suck”
Please send me a cordless drill so I can put holes in my head to get this song out.
Continue reading “Mmm, Earworms!”
I recently read a news story in which a person involved in a crime was described as “Known to police.” That is a phrase you absolutely do not ever want to be used to describe you.
Continue reading “Things You Don’t Want to Be Called”
I have a brilliant business idea; a vacation resort where you’re asleep the entire time. ComaSpa! The best vacation you’ll never remember!
Continue reading “Best Vacation Ever: ComaSpa!”
Well, Benny got skunked. He didn’t even make it to one year old, and he got sprayed by a skunk. It’s been a fun week.
Continue reading “Skunked!”
Today I passed by a car dealership that had big neon signs up advertising a new sale. The sale was like “2017 Inventory Clearing Prices, Only For October!”
Continue reading “Buy a &#*#@ing Car!”
Despite my having defeated Minecraft, my children still insist I am not cool. In today’s video I continue to prove I am totally bodacious and up to date on the latest slang.
Continue reading “Dad Really Is Cool #2: Memes”
I have a long history of sending weird, unsettling emails and texts to my sister. This really bothers her. I like bothering her. My, how the world is admirably arranged.
Continue reading “Siblings, Schmiblings”